Attachment disorder

It's DnD!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-06T12:12:00.001-05:00

Will Arnett has a sex tape (Probably NSFW)

2008-03-05T13:14:00.003-05:00

How I imagine mudge

2008-02-28T02:24:00.002-05:00

Visit Mudge.

The couple next to me

2008-02-25T16:44:00.002-05:00

I'm going to describe this as I see it from the corner of my eye. Deal with it, because I am.

I'm in the library, and there is this super cute couple. He looks like an average dude, she's kinda cute. She smells like apricots. Literally. However, I feel like if Whole Foods opened a Bed, Bath, Bodyworks, and Beyond, she'd be their bastard child.

They are sharing an office chair. She is hugging on him, periodically kissing him on the forehead. When she gets tired of (bless you) hugging on him, she gently rests her arm on his as he pretends to type and be interested in anything but her.

He guides her hand on to the mouse, and as if some sort of aided masterbation ritual, they click through god knows what on the internets.

They lol (out loud).

Now she takes the keyboard, and starts typing. He's had an epiphany -- having just started listening to what she's saying, he now knows the answer, and resumes control at the helm.

He hunts and pecks.

She points at the screen, not 10 inches in front of his face because whatever it is they're looking at must be identified.

She continues to point. He mumbles. She laughs again.

The cycle continues.

They need to stop this -- because it's been going on for half an hour now, and I haven't seen her apply any chapstick.

Ahh... apricots.

The arch villain wacky protestor

2008-02-21T10:56:00.001-05:00

Can I wear one?

2008-02-18T01:24:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Caroline.

You can't unwatch it.

2008-02-15T08:26:00.001-05:00

"depending on how I feel"

2008-01-30T02:35:00.000-05:00

I've heard about/at least half-a-dozen of all of his songs live.
This performance from Austin City Limits reminds me I'm only an aspiring sociopath.

Things I told my students yesterday

2008-01-26T08:07:00.000-05:00

1. "Church is nothing more than a zoo for God."
2. "I am accessable."
3. "I'd like to see a monkey in a cape."

Note: the third yielded a response, "I've seen it before; it's not as cool as you'd think."

Shoulda gone to the Anne Frank house (NSFW)

2008-01-15T02:47:00.001-05:00

Travis Barker is the Soldier Boy

2007-12-30T11:24:00.001-05:00

Fighting five-year-olds

2007-12-14T06:49:00.000-05:00

Please, I came up with this years ago... except I was talking about stray cats.

Whopper Freakout

2007-12-10T20:24:00.001-05:00

Somehow, this is pure genius.

Harold and Kumar do something

2007-12-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

MILFs vs. Cougars

2007-11-30T13:05:00.000-05:00

I'm glad someone finally made the distinction crystal clear.

Regular everyday normal guy

2007-11-27T00:21:00.001-05:00

And I make pretty good spaghetti sauce, motherfucker.

More on killing the hangover

2007-11-24T22:29:00.000-05:00

If you didn't believe me before, now you can, because it was on Oprah.

Pass the mic

2007-11-19T22:57:00.000-05:00

I'm still keeping my finger on the pulse of stupidity.

Dumb Blonde Mic Check - Watch more free videos

The cave, the zone, the place, and the snap

2007-11-12T13:31:00.001-05:00

Seen the most helpful people you know go ape?

Paul/Kucinich 2008?

2007-11-09T19:16:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's the Drambuie talking, but I think Tucker got pwned seriously hard... a few times.

24: The unaired pilot

2007-11-09T07:52:00.000-05:00

Everyline is priceless.

Writer's guild strike

2007-11-08T02:14:00.000-05:00

The only thing I support more than this is Ron Paul.
Sorry, Mudge, I love ya man, but I can't support a Yuengling boycott.

"What's this right here?"

2007-11-03T10:20:00.000-05:00

Urgent

2007-10-31T13:28:00.001-05:00

Today, I received the following email, with the subject line "urgent."

i am asking for your permission to enroll in your class. i am a 5th semester student and trying to study mass media communication and time is basically running out on me. so please if you can squeeze me in i would really appreciate it. thank you for your time and have a wonderful day.

First of all, with a subject line "urgent," I expect to see something about some fancy medicine that can cure baldness, ED, and give me millions of dollars. No. Sorry. But, still...

1. Who am I?
2. Who are you?
3. I teach multiple classes. Which class?
4. Is your shift key broken?
5. How is 5th semester a time running out situation?
6. Is this your copy and paste permission number request?
7. If you are trying to study mass media, what are you actually studying?
8. Should I put as much effort into a response as you did in this composition?
9. Is this representative of your work?
10. And ultimately, don't I decide what urgent is?

Vajayjay is like your good buddy

2007-10-30T11:29:00.000-05:00

I like these.

They turned down a grant!

2007-10-24T11:31:00.000-05:00

Domestic Abuse No Longer A Problem, Say Bruised Female Researchers

They got graphs.

12 days, 16 hours

2007-10-19T07:54:00.001-05:00

If you masturbate five minutes a day, every day, for ten years of your life, you will have spent 12 days and 16 hours of your life whacking off.

Pumps in a bump

2007-10-16T09:47:00.001-05:00

Hammer has a push button controlled waterfall.
Hammer is wearing a banana hammock.
Hammer stiggity-steals his biggity-beats from Kriss Kross.
Hammer thought this beat was so good, it deserved to be played for 2 straight minutes with no lyrics.
Hammer has no fat friends.
Hammer says bump 142 times over the course of this song.
Hammer is still wearing a banana hammock.
Hammer's friends have 3 dance moves.
Hammer likes unnecessary clothes, like gloves with no fingers and vests.
Hammerpants come in denim.

My namesake

2007-10-03T16:38:00.000-05:00

Go Gingersnap!

GO ALLEYCATS!

Business time

2007-09-27T10:03:00.001-05:00

Business socks.

Does Nickelback steal from itself?

2007-09-27T09:20:00.000-05:00

I'm not trying to read like a Fox News headline -- I really want to know if this is plagiairairism.

How to make friends in prison.

2007-09-26T17:40:00.001-05:00

The motto is the punchline.

Luke 17:21

2007-09-26T06:51:00.000-05:00

The kingdom of heaven is within.

If you want to sell the house, you have to mow the lawn.

2007-09-11T13:46:00.000-05:00

This sounds so pleasant, I think I want to get one.

Internet people

2007-09-09T10:01:00.000-05:00

Internet people.

Internet people.

mmm... Violin

2007-09-05T12:09:00.000-05:00

Who doesn't love the sound of a violin?

You can't imagine the fun we're having

2007-09-04T15:08:00.001-05:00

Just trying to hook up a full belly and a foot rub.

The skullfucking bill of 2007

2007-09-01T13:00:00.001-05:00

Vacuum cleaners, some kid, and your self esteem

2007-09-01T08:40:00.000-05:00

So, you stare at this for a while, and you think that people collect weird shit. But then you realize this is a kid and these are vacuum cleaners.

Then you feel a little bit better about yourself. Don't lie. You do.

Clowns ftw

2007-08-31T07:20:00.000-05:00

Clowns rally, "WIFE POWER!"

Front fell off

2007-08-19T02:21:00.000-05:00

What's the minimum crew requirement?

When do I love Angie Hart?

2007-08-13T17:02:00.000-05:00

Rumor has it, there's a new album soon. Hell, it might already be out. Damned Aussies, cross a date-line already!

Not the father

2007-08-06T01:28:00.001-05:00

Name calling

2007-08-02T12:07:00.000-05:00

From Utah...

Bill does actually call the guy kooky, right? Not just his ideas?

So I'm beginning to honestly collect my thoughts on how to defeat Bill O'Reilly. Unfortunately, it's a game of cat and mouse, and the only way to win is not to be the mouse.

"The Porn Myth"

2007-08-01T16:20:00.000-05:00

The article is actually called, "The Porn Myth."

“For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.”

Shark attack. Rawr!

2007-07-30T11:04:00.001-05:00

Never steal a life jacket from a hot chick.

Winky winky

2007-07-28T18:34:00.001-05:00

Touching things is fun.

Waffles

2007-07-28T18:32:00.001-05:00

Get your rocks off

2007-07-28T00:53:00.000-05:00

Anyone want some Pop Rocks?

Ron Paul (1)

2007-07-27T00:33:00.001-05:00

I think I'm voting for Ron Paul.

Simpsons and Fox

2007-07-23T07:14:00.000-05:00

I drank too much Red Bull last night.

Beans

2007-07-22T02:30:00.000-05:00

I encountered this as "Beans."

You must click appropriately to continue.

Tone def with 2 left feet

2007-07-21T14:04:00.001-05:00

Funny thing in the New Yorker

2007-07-17T11:51:00.001-05:00

Kids are melodramatic.

Who hates Mr. Rogers?

2007-07-08T14:33:00.000-05:00

FOX News hates Mr. Rogers.

Where to begin...
I don't have a TV so I don't have to watch FOX News. I do see the occassional story from Hannity, Combs, John Gibson, and they're all fuckers. O'Reilly is no exception. (Thanks again to K.O.) Quite literally, Gibson makes me rather ill to look at him. I've heard the expression "having a face for radio." I think Gibson has a face for a shovel.

But now to slander Mr. Rogers? FOX and Friends, you cock-juggling thunder cunts...

Blame Mr. Rogers for students bitching about their grades. Blame a man that suggested that self-esteem could come from within, and not from the approval of others. Blame a man that devoted his life to making the world a better place. Do these things, then go fuck yourselves... perhaps with the same shovel that fixed Gibson's face.

What the world needs now is a villian. Yeah, a bad guy, a scapegoat. Preferably one that is so soft spoken he wouldn't get a word in a fair and unbiased debate. Oh, and if he's dead, that's a plus.

What's more, is that they invite a "doctor" on the show who acts as a "lifestyle contributor" and proceeds to provide a "common sense" perspective. Her resolution that Mr. Rogers is 'not so bad' after raising the issue that he may be the devil is worthy of drowning in baby shit. Try this on for size:

"Could the sun be the worst thing ever?"
"I mean, people get sun-burned."
"Lots of people are forced to wear lotions and sun-glasses."
"Seriously! Generations of people are forced to search for shade. Literally, kajillions of people have died due to dehydration caused by the sun!"
"Some people say that [insert current enemy in war on terror] might be behind the sun."
"But you know, I once saw a pretty sunset, so it's probably not all
bad."

And I don't know who I'm more mad at -- the (anonymous) person that did the study or fucking FOX News. I guess I can't really blame FOX for just being them. They are special. Kudos, FOX, now suck-start a gloc.

When the zombie uprising takes place, I would rather be bitten by Mr. Rogers than destroy his brain, but I somehow think even as a zed-word he'd retain some of that spirit.

Malmedy

2007-07-08T11:05:00.000-05:00

Do I love Olbermann or hate O'Reilly?

Those crazy Germans

2007-07-08T10:16:00.000-05:00

Dealing with the factor

2007-07-08T09:56:00.000-05:00

It appears some people are learning how to deal with the factor.

I hate LP

2007-07-02T12:37:00.000-05:00

I hate Linkin Park. I met these guys when I worked at the hotel. Douche bags.

And where am I finding the time to make this post?

Mr. Rogers talks to some people, then to us.

2007-06-17T02:21:00.000-05:00

It's captivating.

What I do. (2)

2007-06-17T02:08:00.000-05:00

I wish I did this.
I teach stats.

Two pictures

2007-06-14T12:08:00.000-05:00

Cheating on the Price is Right

2007-06-12T15:39:00.001-05:00

Watch

2007-06-12T15:26:00.001-05:00

Watch the first minute of this video. Keep your eyes on W's left wrist.

A photographic tour of the creation museum

2007-06-11T15:07:00.001-05:00

Road trip, anyone?

Vanished!

2007-06-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

Wikipedia's list of "people who have disappeared."

The following questions:
1. Did his body disappear, or is this wiki's right-wing commentary on the nation's (nay, world's) values?
2. What are the qualifications for disappearance? Must you have existed at some time?
3. Did anyone look behind the fridge? Sometimes when I lose stuff, it's behind the fridge.
4. How can you lose something that's omnipresent?
5. What happens if Jesus reappears? Who's going to update the wiki page during the second-coming?

How not to use powerpoint

2007-06-06T10:35:00.000-05:00

I'm glad someone did this.
I wish it had been me.

I'm unimaginative.

Some game

2007-06-05T11:39:00.000-05:00

A game that looks an awful lot like Jeff and Pete's Big-Y coin game.

Flushing

2007-06-05T11:02:00.000-05:00

The most fun you can have in a bathroom.

And, no your computer is not broken.

Guns, yo.

2007-06-05T10:48:00.000-05:00

Why criminals leave their guns at the scene of the crime.

Memories on Memorial Day

2007-05-28T12:20:00.000-05:00

Ahh, the good ol' days.

Never gonna run around and desert you. (2)

2007-05-23T07:04:00.000-05:00

(Haywood & Leary, 1969)

2007-05-20T11:49:00.000-05:00

The newest emails I receive appear at the top of the page.
Inbox(2) indicates 2 new messages.
There are no messages at the top of the page.

More evidence that Huskymail sucks.

Never gonna run around and desert you.

2007-05-14T22:39:00.000-05:00

At 2:07, why does the bartender bounce himself off of a fence?

One night in Paris...

2007-05-14T20:03:00.000-05:00

Of all the news in the world, I like this story.

Simply because he says shit like, "I'm too busy worrying about other shit to deal with this cunted cunt."

Which is the correct answer. Always.

She's a fucking drunk driver.

And people are signing a petition to save her? Why??? Because she's Oprah? Because she's L. Ron? Because she's Bill O'Fucking-Reilly? No! She's a dumb slut. And I don't mean in that in the deragotory way. I mean, seriously, she's dumb: watch her show. [Actually, don't.] And she's a slut: watch her movies. [Seriously, do.] Dumb sluts deserve what they get. And if it doesn't itch, they deserve harder.

Text messages

2007-05-13T23:41:00.001-05:00

Meg's a liar.

Pants

2007-05-03T13:34:00.001-05:00

3 Blog links worth checking out

2007-05-03T10:38:00.000-05:00

Making fun of rap is cool.

Pictures with pretty colors are cool.

And I was going to find a third, but I'm hungry, so fuck ya.

Star Wars and Rupert Murdoch is buying the Wall Street Journal

2007-05-03T10:01:00.000-05:00

I'm real excited about this.

I'm not so excited about this.
Bloomberg is apparently a good news source, reporting objectively, sticking to "business" points. But isn't anyone concerned that someone who admitted to trying to push a Republican agenda is trying to buy-out WSJ? I don't want my news like that.

Why is the floor as low as you can go?

2007-05-01T11:09:00.000-05:00

Legal American absinthe.

I had Absinthe in Prague.
In response to which, Pete said:
"Give it to me straight buddy, just how long am i gonna have to hose you off before you can get in my truck when i pick you up? Or are we talking riding in the back????"

I had Absinthe in Amsterdam.
And then I saw a guy with a "Stud Ranch" T-shirt.

I want Absinthe in Stafford.

Show me that smile

2007-04-30T10:34:00.000-05:00

The way of the master.

A sure fire way to induce vomiting.
I love it, I love it, I love it. It's like a scab. I have to pick at it, but then I just bleed more, and I don't heal. But, goddamnit, I need to pick that fuckin' scab.

Update:

Live in Pittsburgh

2007-04-30T00:53:00.000-05:00

Ten tips on how to get into a sold out baseball game.

Sure this is a decent list.

The punchline...

The first comment: "11. Live in Pittsburgh."

Sigh. And I've been to more Yankee games than Pirate games. But I did see Jack Wilson at Yankee Stadium lay down the most amazing bunt in the 8th inning down 11-1 in the pouring rain.

Shock G's Assholes

2007-04-29T11:35:00.000-05:00

Check out Shock G's (aka Humpty Hump's) assholes.

Clearly, I've no desire to do anything that I should be doing.

Alaska

2007-04-29T09:36:00.001-05:00

Makes me wonder what role this guy would play. I would LOVE to see him as the next Cheney.

Web 2.0

2007-04-29T02:16:00.001-05:00

Ok, my mom sent me this. And it's fucking cool.

Bloviate me.

2007-04-29T01:50:00.000-05:00

Let me first take Bill out of context. But can you really trust people that use the term "bloviate?" Seriously, you're supposed to forget that shit right after the SATs.

Yes, Bill, bloviate all night... all night long.

I know nothing about journalism, but...
A journalist, Bill, would know what a disclaimer is. He would also know how weak the language is. He would know that when you say you're not doing something, it's probably because you're going to do it. You're absolutely right, you would never demonize someone -- you are such the victim of an attack by the Public Broadcasting System.
A journalist, Bill, would not advocate dissent then stop someone (e.g., a professor of journalism) from dissenting. But I suppose if you are simply defending yourself, which is all any man can do, we can't criticize you for it. Let's defend ourselves... and let's do so by taking the fight to 'em.
A journalist, Bill? Bloviate me.

Look at it from another point of view. Imagine you're running your show. You know who's going to be on. You know what they're going to say. After all, you invited them. Now, also remember that your audience is a reactionary one, and your numbers are based on fear mongering and sensationalism. Add to it the fact that your entire network has been accused to being biased... what better way to prove you otherwise than to "invite" someone to your show from your own network that "disagrees" with you and show your distemper. Show us how much you WILL NOT STAND FOR IT. Show us how much you care that your reputation is being attacked. Make the whole thing look like you're both the victim and strong, staunch defender of journalistic news, and you've just executed a coup d'truth. gg Bill.

8-ball

2007-04-22T09:35:00.001-05:00

Can you handle the truth?

Bananas

2007-04-20T07:09:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I went to Big Y and bought all of their bananas.
All of them.
It cost $62.81.
I hate having expensive hobbies.

Kitty killin' ratios

2007-04-15T23:46:00.000-05:00

I was impressed by this insight. Reminds me of my own analysis of Scooter.

You can't answer if you haven't heard it.

2007-04-13T13:43:00.000-05:00

What happens when someone tries to respond with the same irrelevant answer to the sam identical question?

How hard is it to say no?

Trade in my bike for a shopping cart

2007-04-13T13:16:00.000-05:00

I want to do this. I want enough free time to commit such an act. I want to build something.

I need something like a shopping cart. Garbage cans? Shoeboxes? Coathangers? Egg-cartons? Toiletpaper tubes?

All this thinking about doing shit makes me want to nap.

JEB!

2007-04-11T16:22:00.000-05:00

Idolize Jeb.

Problem: you can't get degree.
Solution: rename the fucking school.

Been there.

2007-04-10T17:33:00.001-05:00

23

2007-04-09T12:23:00.000-05:00

Google's directions from New York City to Paris.

Thanks to Ben for this nugget. Made me laugh.

Riding with Bob Saget

2007-04-09T01:06:00.001-05:00

Although, I must disagree. Mr. Rogers is the illest motherfucker in a cardigan sweater.

Chocolate bunny porn

2007-04-06T21:06:00.000-05:00

Public speaking exercise

2007-04-06T08:02:00.000-05:00

I used this exercise back when I taught public speaking. Although the contraption is nifty, it's much more 1. rewarding, and 2. degrading when I get to kick people in the nutties myself.

lurking

2007-04-05T19:16:00.001-05:00

24 seconds.

Continuation and termination

2007-04-04T14:08:00.000-05:00

The Internal Review Board uses the same form (the IRB-2) for the purpose of 'continuing review of a current research project' as well as 'termination of a current research project.' This logic baffles me.

Appropriate, my be the analogy to the courtesy flush. A flush may indicate there is more shit to come, or that the shit is all done.

Moreover, what logically exists in this world as both a signal to continue as a single to stop. Reconcile this one, bitches. In San Antonio, the waitstaff would periodically bring us our check because they were afraid we'd walk out on a giant tab. I guess this says, "Stop, but keep going."

But no means no. Why the fuck should I have to tell them that I'm done. I'm pretty sure people can tell when I'm done.

And, I'm pretty sure there's no one on staff staring at my IRB-1 forms saying, "OMFGWTFBBQ! He better not still be collecting data. Or, if he's done, he better not do any statistical analysis after April 13 unless he completes the IRB-2 and newly updated IRB-1." If this person is on staff, I'd prefer them trying to get stuff approved. But I'd also prefer to tell them to go to hell.

In sum, the question "are you done or you still going?" is a legitimate one, but the answer "yes" (i.e., the IRB-2) is unacceptable to me. Then again, under the list of acceptable things to you is rejecting a form that was "out-of-date" because the newest form has a single change -- a single checkbox was added to indicate if this research is "unfunded" which I'm pretty sure would have fallen under "investigator out-of-pocket."

This message is now terminated. Or continued.

luleelurah

2007-04-03T03:25:00.000-05:00

make a name

I'd like to leave this masterpiece without comment. However...
The luleerah seems to become more festive each time you see it. And that is amazing.
I've never seen a more "DADAAAAAAAAAA" looking baby.
And this movie, and this song, never fail to make me smile.

...and it's Fallout Boy, err... Fall Out Boy. Falloutboy? Either way, ew... it's Fall Out Boy.