Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Urgent

Today, I received the following email, with the subject line "urgent."

i am asking for your permission to enroll in your class. i am a 5th semester student and trying to study mass media communication and time is basically running out on me. so please if you can squeeze me in i would really appreciate it. thank you for your time and have a wonderful day.

First of all, with a subject line "urgent," I expect to see something about some fancy medicine that can cure baldness, ED, and give me millions of dollars. No. Sorry. But, still...

1. Who am I?
2. Who are you?
3. I teach multiple classes. Which class?
4. Is your shift key broken?
5. How is 5th semester a time running out situation?
6. Is this your copy and paste permission number request?
7. If you are trying to study mass media, what are you actually studying?
8. Should I put as much effort into a response as you did in this composition?
9. Is this representative of your work?
10. And ultimately, don't I decide what urgent is?

Friday, October 19, 2007

12 days, 16 hours

If you masturbate five minutes a day, every day, for ten years of your life, you will have spent 12 days and 16 hours of your life whacking off.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Pumps in a bump



Hammer has a push button controlled waterfall.
Hammer is wearing a banana hammock.
Hammer stiggity-steals his biggity-beats from Kriss Kross.
Hammer thought this beat was so good, it deserved to be played for 2 straight minutes with no lyrics.
Hammer has no fat friends.
Hammer says bump 142 times over the course of this song.
Hammer is still wearing a banana hammock.
Hammer's friends have 3 dance moves.
Hammer likes unnecessary clothes, like gloves with no fingers and vests.
Hammerpants come in denim.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

My namesake

Go Gingersnap!

GO ALLEYCATS!